Just the regular girl next door, nothing special nor
exceptionally spectacular about her nor her growing up. As a little girl,
she
was sexually molested and abused by her neighbors. Being the quiet kind of
girl, she told no one, especially as she was instructed, more like threatened,
not to tell anyone by her abuser. Worst of all, she had a vague idea of what
had happened to her, nor the value of what she had lost; her virginity. You’ll
wonder, how didn’t anyone know about this? Her abuser, the first that is, was a
“smooth criminal”. She felt no pain, she felt nothing. She only saw blood on his
little finger, which he used to perpetuate the act. The maidservant who washed
her panties the next day saw the droplets of blood, but did not bother to
inquire. And so it went down the drain. Similar “smooth operations” were
perpetuated by a couple others, all going unreported. She was screaming
quietly.
Time passed all by, and through regular reading and more
like careless research, she got to find out what she had lost in the early
years of her life. The knowledge was late, yet it was and still is better late
than never. And you’ll ask, what about her parents? Well, she grew up in the
regular “second-class citizen” kind of family; in Nigeria. Father and mother
were always busy, out and about to make ends meet and cater to the need of the
children and ensure their comfort and enjoyment of life’s basic needs. A children
are kept under the supervision of a maidservant. Now her parents cared (don’t
get it wrong; they do care), but they were not readily disposed nor available
so the put the maidservant in place, temporarily filling in until they are
back. No, that is not bad parenting, not in its totality; they only weren’t
enlightened, neither were they “open-minded” to interact beyond the regular
convo, carefully (I guess) avoiding intricate issues, sexually related issues,
with the little children; discussing the process of growing up.
Growth happened to her and she became more knowledgeable. She
knew a lot of things that most of her mates did not know (yet at the time). Gradually,
she started forming her own opinion about certain things that happened in her
life and around her. She wasn’t crazy nor extremely excited about her male
counterparts. For her, they are not worth all the hype and tripping other
females accord them. No doubt, they play a very important role in all spheres
of human life, yet she opines that they must not be exaggerated as is commonly
seen these days.
With this opinion, one that is not fully understood nor
accepted in the African society and context, she is seen as an incomplete
African lady, a disrespectful one to be specific, reason being that the western
education has corrupted and interrupted her ideology and perception. With an
opinion that does not patronize the contemporary patriarchal African society,
expressing herself comfortably is a difficult thing…
At what
age should parents discuss sex related issues with their children? What age is
the perfect age for sex education?
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